Robin Lays an Egg
by ozma914
Summary: Post Chosen: Robin Wood goes on his first mission for the new Watcher's Council. Too bad he's being accompanied by Murphy's Law ... He'll be meeting some old friends along the way.
1. Jingle Bells

PROLOGUE: JINGLE BELLS ...

Robin started speaking as soon as Giles picked up the phone. "I tracked it down, and I was right - it was headed for Cleveland. I need at least one slayer, and I need her here fast."

"Um ... who is this?"

Exasperated, Robin rested his head against the storefront window, then jerked back - the frosted glass was so cold it made his skin hurt. But he couldn't retreat to the car, where his cell phone had no signal. "It's me, Robin Wood. I found our little egg laying demon hen, but it's already found a nesting place. I've got a plan, but I'll need an ambulance and a crew."

"Oh - yes, of course. Sorry, it's been rather hectic here. You found it so soon?"

"It wasn't easy. Willow and Kennedy are still on standby, right? If they leave right now -"

"I'm sorry, Robin, they ran into a problem in Connecticut. Willow was very vague, but I take it they crashed somehow, and Kennedy broke her leg."

"She - is she all right? What happened?"

Robin heard a rustling sound, and realized Giles was cleaning his glasses. "She's healing, and apparently not in any danger. But whenever I ask Willow for details of what happened, she starts giggling. It's very disconcerting."

Robin suspected he knew what activity had led to the injury, but he had a feeling Giles would rather not know. "Well, you'll probably be glad to get a couple of the other slayers out of HQ for awhile."

Unfortunately, the slayers who have been cleared for field work are all unavailable. There's ... um ... a bit of a bug going around."

"You're kidding. Isn't Faith there?"

"Actually, she's the one who brought the bug in. Rona, Vi, Chao-Ahn, they're all going to need at least a full day of recovery."

Clapping a hand over his bald head, Robin looked toward the old brick building across the parking lot. "Unbelievable. Giles, this thing is going to start laying its eggs, and then those eggs are going to hatch before we can get ahold of one. That means not only will my mission fail, but a lot of people are going to die."

"I know, I know. I'll get the most experienced people available, and send them to you right away. Just try to keep a handle on things until nightfall."

"Right." There was nothing that could be done. The demon wouldn't lay until after dark, according to Giles' research, and the eggs wouldn't hatch for another day or two after. That gave them time, but Robin shivered and tried to shake off the feeling that things were going seriously wrong already, and the dangerous work hadn't yet begun.

"Robin," Giles said after a moment, "remember how critical this is. The eggs and their mother are dangerous, yes. But obtaining at least one egg whole is absolutely critical to our mission. The life of one of our own is at stake."

"Yeah." Robin rang off and, shivering, climbed back into the car. It was littered with fast food wrappers and scattered paperwork, and even with the heat turned on full, he felt chilled to the bone. He'd been trained since childhood as a warrior, prepared to battle evil to avenge his slayer mother's death. Later he'd been leader of an entire high school, responsible for dozens of employees and hundreds of students. Granted, it was on a hellmouth ... but now he'd ended up in another city with a hellmouth, without a battle to fight, without a comfortable chair and central heating, just ... watching. Well. He _was_ a watcher now, after all.

He glanced at his watch, knowing he had to remain alert, and make a plan for when help arrived. "Nightfall." It was 9 a.m.


	2. Batmobile Has Lost a Wheel

True to his word, Giles got reinforcements into Cleveland just as the weak winter sun gave up its attempt to warm the midwest, and sank away. Robin couldn't tell who was driving, but the ambulance that pulled up next to his sedan was the same one he'd seen parked in the garage beneath the Watcher Council's secret Chicago headquarters. It carried no lettering to indicate where it was from, and Robin wasn't sure he ever wanted to know what the Council had used it for.

So, that was their getaway car. Okay, he'd deal - the important thing was, the calvary had arrived. Based on what he'd been seeing in the last hour, and hearing over his scanner, the timing was perfect.

The ambulance doors popped open, and two people who looked abnormally small to be medical professionals people leaped out. "Hey!" called the driver, who looked for all the world like a nerd who had gone trick-or-treating as a paramedic. "It was so cool driving this. But Kara wouldn't let me use the siren."

"Secret mission, duh." Kara smiled, flashing a mouth full of metal. "I told him maybe on the way back." She had shoulder length, mousy brown hair that she'd tied back with a scrunchy, and wore a white lab coat that came down to her ankles. Kara was fifteen, and had gone on exactly one mission since becoming a slayer. Granted, she'd done well, but still ...

"Mr. Giles said you'd explain when we got here," Andrew said. "He's been in a bad mood lately, so we thought we shouldn't ask too many questions -"

Kara paused in the act of stamping her feet on the icy parking lot, to shoot Andrew a sharp look. "You _did_ ask too many questions - and he was in a lousy mood even before that."

Andrew cleared his throat. "So, what's the bad news?"

"I'm looking at it," Robin muttered. "I figured Giles would send more slayers, or Dawn, or even come himself."

"Mr. Giles said he and Dawn have to get some kind of healing spell ready." Kara looked away, and concentrated on rubbing her hands together. "I'm the oldest slayer who's not ... recovering."

"Great." Before he could say more, the scanner strapped to Robin's waist blared. The evacuation, someone announced, was complete, and the building sealed up. "Wonderful. We're out of time."

Looking across the street, they saw the last few ambulances - real ambulances - pull away with the evacuated patients, while a mix of police officers and soldiers spread out around the sprawling hospital complex. At least some of them knew the real reason for the evacuation - that a demon had been spotted wandering around the hallways - and they'd make sure the place stayed empty until specially trained troops arrived.

Robin pointed at Andrew. "You - God help us - are the getaway driver. If we don't come out, get back to Chicago."

"What about your car?" Andrew gestured toward the sedan, then did a double take. All four of the vehicle's tires were missing. "What ?"

"Demons aren't the only bad guys in this part of Cleveland," Robin told him. "While I was checking out the perimeter, somebody helped themselves. That's why I need you to stay out here, so we have something to get back in. That, and to report back if you haven't heard from us in, say, two hours."

Kara's eyes widened at the thought of not coming back. "What are we going to do?"

"We're going to play doctor."

Her eyes widened even more.


	3. Batman Smells

Two green clad soldiers stepped in front of Robin as he prepared to push a cot through the emergency room's double doors. He thankfully noted that these were regular soldiers, not special forces.

"Sorry, Doc," one said. "The hospital's closed."

_Put a white lab coat on, and everyone assumes you're a doctor_. Robin nudged Kara's foot, and the girl wailed so loudly that even he jumped. She looked tiny under the sheet, and her braces showed when she yelled, making her seem even younger. "Damn it, man, there's no other hospital on this side of Cleveland!"

"Sorry, Doc," the spokesman said again. "The place is quarantined, we have orders -"

"I'm aware of the quarantine. But the only contamination is in the inpatient area, and I only need into the ER to access a treatment room." Robin mentally crossed his fingers and hoped these two hadn't been briefed on the real reason the hospital had been evacuated. "Colonel Garrison gave me clearance." He held out his ID, and hoped Andrew was as good at forging documents as he claimed to be.

The soldiers glanced at each other. Neither carried a radio, which confirmed the intelligence he'd gathered - the poorly equipped guards had been hastily gathered from a unit that was supposed to be on leave. Too bad there'd been plenty of rifles to go around, but police officers equipped with guns _and_ radios covered most of the other entrances, so this was their best bet.

When they still hesitated, he decided to push his luck. "Don't you understand? This girl as severe gastroiletis colitis chylopneumothorax! Do you want to be responsible for what might happen if I don't get her some colistinn sulfomethate?"

Again the soldiers exchanged looks, and one stepped toward the cot. "It's very contagious," Robin added.

The soldier quickly backed off. "Okay, okay - but get her in and out of there quick, Doc. Nobody's supposed to be inside that place until it's been decontaminated."

"Thanks, guys." Robin shoved the cot on through, and wondered if those men could possibly be any more dense. First of all, the ambulance he'd pulled up in hadn't been using its emergency lights, even though he claimed to be on an emergency call. Second, there was another hospital just a few miles down the road, although it was overflowing with patients from here at the moment. Third, why was he the only medical worker with this supposedly critical patient? Andrew had gotten out just long enough to help unload the cot, then climbed back behind the wheel.

As soon as he wheeled the cot into a treatment room Kara stopped wailing and leaped off the cot, revealing a black sweater and sturdy trousers instead of a hospital gown. "What did you say I had?"

"I'm not certain. A stomach ache and air in your chest, I think - I got the idea from an old Star Trek movie, and I picked the words out of a medical textbook."

"Air in my chest. Huh." She watched as Robin threw off his lab coat, revealing another black outfit. "Did you know you stink?"

At first he thought she was referring to how he was doing his job, but just as he started to snap at her, he realized what she meant. "I've been living out of my car, and trying to stay close to that demon," he told her, realizing how defensive he sounded. "There hasn't been much time for showers.

"Sorry. It's just that I still don't understand why dad isn't here - he's my watcher, not you."

"This baby's been my case for a week, now." Robin climbed onto the cot, and reached up to push a ceiling tile out of the way. "Kennedy and Willow were supposed to be on the way here, but they got into some kind of accident."

He reached around until he found a support that he thought would hold his weight, then hauled himself up, with an assisting push from Kara. "Giles said the older slayers all came down with some kind of bug, so - it's you." On his hands and knees, Robin reached down to his young partner. "Sorry you didn't get much briefing time, but all you have to do is follow behind me and stay quiet. I don't expect any major problems."

Kara easily climbed into the space above the ceiling, pushed the tile back into place, then turned to Robin. "They didn't have a bug. Faith got them drunk."

"She - what?"

"I'm not the one to ask," Kara continued, sounding peeved. "No one tells me anything. But according to rumor, some of them said they wanted to try Faith's wild lifestyle, so she let them. And now they've sworn off drinking forever."

Robin stared at the young slayer for a moment, then slowly shook his head. Maybe Faith had done it for the right reason, but she'd jeopardized this mission by leaving Robin with no backup except an inexperienced teenager and a genius geek. "Come on. Sooner or later one of those guys will track down an officer, and then the game's up."

An air duct blocked their way, but that was part of Robin's plan. He'd known their target was in this neighborhood, likely searching for a fresh supply of its main food source: humans weakened by illness or injury. He'd been studying plans for all the local hospitals and retirement homes ever since, and if he'd read the radio traffic correctly, he knew this duct would pass over their target. "Kara, I need a hole. Don't worry, the demon has no ears."

Kara provided one, tearing the side of the duct away with a horrendous screech. "Boy, I love doing stuff like that."

"It's a good thing nobody's inside yet, or that noise would bring all the action you could handle." He led the way into the duct, and turned right. "Keep your distance - this isn't designed to carry people. But hurry." They had to reach their target before the government's special ops people arrived to start searching the building.

After five minutes of crawling, Robin stopped. He thought he'd heard someone - or something - else scuttling through the ductwork. The eggs shouldn't have hatched yet, and momma usually stuck to the ground - literally. Still, wasn't this how the black guy bought it in "Alien"?

"What is it?" Kara whispered.

"Shush." Directly ahead was a T intersection, and below that the room they had to get into. He shuffled forward slowly, trying not to make any noise, and as he neared the intersection he noticed a joint in the metal. Maybe he could pry it open enough to see down, without giving his position away.

From around the corner, another hand reached out, and they touched over the joint.

Robin yelled incoherently, and his head slammed into the top of the duct. Someone else shouted something equally unintelligible and, off balance, fell forward onto the unyielding metal.

Robin found himself staring at his worst nightmare. A wiry, platinum haired man wearing a black duster, his narrow face all hard angles, stared back at him with a look of shock that probably mirrored his own.

Robin muttered through clenched teeth: "Spike."


	4. Shotgun Shells

Spike recovered first. "Well, well. The slayer spawn. I heard you got shish kabobed to death."

"I heard you turned into the human torch, which would make you dead. More dead than usual."

"I got better."

"Yeah?" Robin moved forward at a crouch, ready to attack. "And were you resurrected without that pesky soul?"

"I'd just as soon leave you guessing." Spike also scooted forward, clenching his fists. "I knew somebody was close by. You were making enough noise to raise - well, me. And that smell was drifting ahead of you, like the breath of a three day drunk."

"What would you know about breath? You came for the eggs, didn't you? You know about the power they hold. Are you back in the power business, Spike?" Robin moved another foot, until they were almost nose to nose. He felt behind him, momentarily panicking because he couldn't reach his stun gun, until he felt Kara pull it from his belt and slap it into his hand.

"You hoping for a chance to go at it again? You might not have as much luck this time." Spike sneered, which, Robin had to admit, the vampire was very good at. "I suppose you're on one of your goody-goody missions to save the world."

Robin shook his head. "Not the world. Just Cleveland."

Spike snorted. "Aiming low, aren't we?"

"Also, I want mom's coat back." Robin reached out to tug on the leather collar, which he knew would piss Spike off. The one who kept a cool head would have an advantage.

"You don't really think this is the original, do you? Your mum didn't take care of it at all -" Spike pulled back, then paused when he heard a crack.

Then a creak. Then the duct shuddered. "Uh oh," Robin murmured.

Spike's eyes widened. "Oh, bollocks."

Straining ductwork parted. The vampire and watcher fell , first through the metal, then through the ceiling.

There was no time to cushion the landing, and Robin only realized after hitting the floor that he'd bounced off a hospital bed. He came to rest on his belly, within a foot of Spike, while debris rained down around them. "Ouch."

Without moving from the floor, Spike, who had landed on his back, turned his head toward his adversary. "In that, we agree."

"I don't have time for games, Spike." Robin stayed on the floor, mentally checking himself for injury. "My mother and I were told you were dead, so I'm very upset right now."

"Your mother ? But I killed your mother decades ago."

"Which brings me back to why I don't like you. I need to know, are you a good guy, or a bad guy?"

Spike stared at him for a long moment, then spoke reluctantly. "I'm working with Angel now."

"That doesn't answer the question." Robin swept a hand behind him, searching for the stun gun. "Word is Angel's thrown in with Wolfram and Hart."

"Yeah, well, it's complicated. But I offered to come for the eggs as soon as I could get away from that bloody awful place, and I'm going to get them. If I have to fight you in the process, that's just sauce for the goose."

They glared at each other for a moment, until a crunching noise stole their attention. Robin looked around to see a pair of black boots three feet away, and followed them up to a black uniform worn by a lanky, impossibly tall man with an unruly shock of brown hair - and a wicked looking science fictiony gun that he kept leveled at Spike.

"Hello, Hostile 17. I could tell by the heat signatures that we were dealing with a vamp, but this is quite a surprise. I heard you were dead. More dead."

"Gave up smoking. I'm in the pink, now."

The soldier gestured with his weapon. "And back in the demon egg business? Both of you get up ... slowly."

To Robin's surprise, Spike grinned. Keeping his hands visible, the vampire rose to his feet and backed away from the soldier. Robin also started up, but took a quick glimpse around to assess the situation as he rose. No other exits. He saw a typical hospital room, with two beds and a hole in the ceiling - in the shadow of the air duct, he glimpsed movement. Then, on hands and knees, he froze.

A bundle of rainbow hued eggs, each the size of a golf ball, hung from the bottom of the bed he'd fallen on.

"Up, Stinky," the soldier repeated. Robin got to his feet, glanced up, and shook his head slightly.

"If it isn't the soldier boy," Spike said, his voice full of mocking. "I guess this is a regular reunion of people who've dated Buffy, isn't it? Too bad Angel's not here, we could have a barbershop quartet."

For the first time, the soldier's attention focused on Robin. "You dated Buffy? So, in what way are _you_ screwed up? Other than your aversion to taking showers?"

Robin suspected this man already knew a great deal more than the typical soldier, so he decided to lay it all on the table. "Robin Wood. I represent the Watcher's Council."

"You -" The soldier's gaze darted around. "Bring a slayer with you?"

"We sometimes get called into action without them." Which was true enough, although not in this case. "If you've dated Buffy, I can only guess you're Riley Finn."

Riley hesitated, then turned back to Spike. "Okay. All things considered, at this moment I consider you the main threat. Any reason I shouldn't lay you out?"

Spike tilted his head, considering. "Well, I did you the favor of killing that beasty that was running around this place, scaring the knickers off everyone."

"You did that?" But Riley shrugged, looking unimpressed. "You've been known to do good things for bad reasons before."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Look, those eggs are incredibly powerful. You soldiers boys just can't handle it - didn't you learn anything from the Initiative?"

"He's right, but they'd be safe in our hands," Robin insisted. "We have to use one, then they'll all be destroyed." As soon as the words were out, he knew he'd make a mistake.

"Use one?" the soldier and the vampire said at the same time.

"A formula. A healing formula, specialized for one person. Then the eggs get incinerated."

"There's nothing in those eggs that wouldn't be poison to a human," Riley told him.

But Spike, with a dawning look of understanding, nodded. "To a normal human, yes. But not to a slayer."

"A slayer." Riley hesitated, but kept the weapon at ready. "I'm going to need more than that, if I'm going to convince my superiors to give up something this dangerous. That creature sneaked into America on a plane not more than a week ago, and we can't take any chances of its offspring getting a foothold here."

In the silence that followed, Robin heard a hint of movement from somewhere above. Riley didn't seem to notice, but Spike's gaze darted up for just an instant, before he focused his attention back on the soldier. "Oh, bugger this. I'm evil. I'm here to take those eggs and turn them into weapons, and I'm going to kill you two so I can get away clean." He lunged for Robin.

Riley fired.

Kara dropped from the ceiling, feet first, aiming for Spike just as the vampire dodged backward. A bolt of energy hit her in the legs and she tumbled to the floor, then lay still.


	5. Joker Got Away

"Oh, crap." Riley tried to get off another shot, but the surprise of Kara's appearance was just what Spike needed. He propelled Robin forward, slamming him into Riley, and both men fell out into the hallway as the rifle fired into the ceiling. For the second time, Robin found himself covered with debris.

"Get off!" Riley shouted. Robin rolled over and jumped to his feet, grabbing a chunk of broken wood as he did, while Riley sat up, grabbed his weapon, and leveled it into firing position.

Spike was gone.

"Crap. Crap!" Riley grabbed for his radio, but when he triggered it nothing happened. "You, watcher - do you have a walkie?"

Robin, knowing they'd need the government's good graces at this point, tossed him a radio. "It's already on your frequency."

"It -" Riley tossed him an angry look, then yelled into the mike. "All units, converge on the exits, look for a tall man wearing black, with bleach blond hair. Consider him extremely dangerous." He lowered the mike, then dragged a hand through his hair. "No slayer?"

"You should have known better." By the time they got to Kara, she was already stirring. "Kara? Are you okay?"

Her head lolled to one side as Robin lifted her up, and she tried to look at him through glazed over eyes. "I can't feel my legs."

"It's temporary," Riley said. He tried to help get Kara onto the cot, but Robin lowered her onto the hospital bed, instead.

"Let's take her out to the ambulance on this, she'll be more comfortable." Robin waited, holding his breath.

Riley stared at him for a moment. Slowly, rifle at ready, he crouched down until he could see under the bed. Then his weapon drooped, and he sighed. "Nice try, but the only thing under here is webbing the eggs were anchored with. I already knew the demon liked to spawn under patient beds, so you tipped me off." He gave Robin a rueful smile. "That bed would never fit in an ambulance."

Robin scooped Kara out of the bed. "You mean they hatched?"

"No, there aren't any shell fragments. Spike got 'em."

"Ah." Damn it all. Robin laid Kara down again, this time on the cot. He felt helpless, a failure of the worst sort, but there were still details to be taken care of before he could succumb to his black mood. Staying out of some secret government holding cell, for instance. "Well, then ..."

"So ... you dated Buffy?" Riley used his boot to shove debris out of the way, then reached for the cot and started pulling.

"Just once, really - and Spike screwed that up, too." Without commenting on it, Robin helped push the cot toward the emergency room exit. "I'm seeing Faith, now."

"Faith!" As they passed a supply cabinet, Riley pulled out a clean sheet and and draped it over Kara, who was starting to look more aware. "You're a stronger man than I thought." After a moment, and with what could only be described as an evil grin, he added, "I dated Faith once, too - sort of. Ask her about it."

When they went through the door, the two soldiers trained rifles on them. So did the twenty other soldiers crouched in defensive positions around the door, and the men manning machine guns on the roof of Humvees. "These two are all right," Riley said, holding up a hand. "It really was a medical emergency, and some crossed signals. Let them past."

One of the guards looked down at the cot as they passed. "Is she okay? I've heard gastrointer - uh, that problem can be real serious."

Not pausing in his push toward the ambulance, Robin called back, "Don't worry, colistin sulfomethate sodium is very effective."

Kara moaned, this time a good deal more realistically. "I'm sorry ..."

"It's not your fault. I was in charge." Stopping at the back of the still running ambulance, Robin turned to Riley. "Okay, I gotta ask -"

"We're working on the same side. The government realizes that now - at least, some branches of the government do. Besides, I owe Buffy a bunch of favors. So don't worry, you're free to go back to Chicago, and we'll take care of covering the tracks."

Robin stared at him. Chicago? "There's a lot you already know, isn't there?"

Riley shrugged. "Certain people we keep track of, and we definitely keep an eye on the big bads. How do you think my team got to Cleveland so quickly? We didn't expect you to beat us here, but we knew you were coming." Then his expression darkened. "How Spike got out without being seen, I have no idea."

"He has a couple hundred years of experience over us." Robin swung open the back door, then froze when he saw a packing crate the size of a coffin strapped to the ambulance's bench seat. "What the -"

"It's okay." Riley smiled at his expression. "Something we turned up while we were clearing Sunnydale of anything ... incriminating. We didn't know what to do with it, so ... like I said, we knew you were coming. Consider it a present for Buffy. Or, maybe Willow. Somebody'll get a kick out of it." He helped lift the cot into the ambulance, then waited while Robin climbed inside. "Nice to meet you. If you should run into Spike - kick his ass."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Robin closed the doors, then called forward to the passenger compartment, "let's go, Andrew."

"Um, okay." Andrew sounded nervous, and Robin realized having soldiers jumping into the back with that crate must have been quite a shock. But he felt the truck start to move, and after a few bumps the ride got smoother as they gained the street.

Robin leaned against the crate, ignoring it for a moment as the evening's events went through his mind. He'd failed. It was as simple as that. His first mission as a watcher, and he'd failed. To Spike!

He didn't shake himself out of his funk until Kara sat up, throwing the sheet aside. "I screwed up so bad. Dad's gonna kill me."

"We're alive, that's what's important."

"But the eggs -"

"We'll think of something else." He couldn't force any enthusiasm into his voice, and couldn't even muster the energy to move until the ambulance suddenly slowed a few blocks further on, stopping along the side of the road. Then another, unexpected voice chimed in, making his spine tingle.

"So ... what's so bloody important about these eggs, mate?"


	6. Robin Gains an Egg

With a panicked squeak, Kara threw open the bandage compartment beside her. It was full of bandages. "Where are the weapons?"

"Under the bench seat, which is under the government's nice, sturdy box." Robin gave the crate only a halfhearted shove, knowing it would be too heavy to move. "What the hell do you want, Spike?"

That damn bleach blond head appeared through the open door to the driver's compartment, a grin on its ugly face. "Just to talk. First of all, I'm shocked just shocked that little Andrew didn't tell you I was alive."

Robin stared at him, chest heaving, unable to trust himself to speak. It was Kara who said, "Andrew? You knew Spike was still alive?"

Andrew's voice floated back, although he wouldn't show himself. "I didn't want to upset anyone."

"Ask me who's upset now, Andrew!" Robin roared.

"I'll just stay up here and keep an eye on the ... um, gauges."

"Maybe you'd better get out and start walking, you little ow." Robin looked down to where a small hand had wrapped itself around his wrist and squeezed.

"Maybe there are reasons." Kara looked at him, her eyes pleading. "The slayers who went to L.A. with Andrew must have known too, but none of them said anything."

"Right." Forcing his temper down, Robin backed up until he was against the ambulance's rear doors. "Spike." He waved to a seat at the head of the cot as far from him as anyone could get, and still be in the patient compartment.

Spike slid through the narrow passage and sank into the seat. Robin couldn't help noticing the vampire carried a laundry bag which held something about the size of a cluster of eggs. "Comfy."

"Cozy," Robin agreed. They glared at each other over Kara, who scooted back to sit cross legged on the cot, out of their line of vision. "Would you mind telling me what you're doing in here?"

"Hiding. Those two gits at the ER doors would only let me out when I convinced them I'd been waiting for you with the colistin sulfom whatsits, and I had a feeling it wouldn't be so easy to fool that second line of soldier boys who were coming in with their big guns and helicopters. So I thought I'd let you drive me away."

"And you think I'm just going to let you hop out with those eggs?"

"Nope." Spike held the bag out. "You're going to let me hop out _without_ those eggs."

Okay, this was definitely some kind of twisted trick. Robin made no move to take the package. "Why would you just hand them over to us, after stealing them?"

"Because I can." With a sigh, Spike dropped the bag on the cot beside Kara. "Because the soldier boys have their orders, and their procedures, and their clearances, and they'd have red taped you to death before they even considered letting you take them. They'd have hatched by then. The eggs, I mean, not the soldiers. Besides, I don't trust 'em not to turn the things into some kind of big superweapon omelet, and we all know how well that usually turns out."

"But you knew they'd just let us go if we didn't have the eggs?"

"No, I didn't _know_ that." The vampire grinned. "But it all worked out, and it was fun. In return for doing you this big favor, I only ask one thing: that you tell me what you need 'em for."

Kara shot Robin a quick look. "Why do you want to know?"

"Curiosity, pet. Look, Angel says he wants them disposed of properly, that's all. It makes me no mind if he does it or you do it, but I would dearly love to see the look on his face when I show up empty handed. In return, you get to make slayer medicine, right? All I want to know is, what does it cure?"

Robin sat back, considering. He wanted to mistrust this vamp, who had killed his mother, another slayer and so many others. But his instincts told him Spike was telling the truth, as much as Spike ever told the truth, and he saw no reason not to return the favor. "Psychosis."

"Psychosis? You've got an insane slayer?" Spike whistled. "Dicey situation, that. I've met one of those, and it didn't go well."

From up front, Andrew's voice floated back. "Um, it's the same one. Dana."

Spike froze.

"We tried everything," continued Andrew, who couldn't see Spike's face twisting. "So Willow found this rare spellbook that shows how to cure an insane slayer, and even though it's never been tried before Giles thought "

"THAT BITCH CUT MY BLOODY HANDS OFF!"

That shut Andrew up. Kara looked horrified, but Robin wondered if Spike had done something to deserve such a punishment. "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."

"You don't get it. I was doing a good thing, trying to help her, and she _tortured_ me. You can't take the chance of her getting back out among innocent people "

"Maybe she doesn't hurt innocent people," Robin shot back. "Just vampires who've been known to do some torturing of their own."

Glaring, Spike reached for the bag, but Kara was too fast. She grabbed it away with one hand, and pushed against his chest with the other when he tried to reach past her. "Give me that, you little "

"Why are you good?" Kara asked.

Again, Spike froze. For a long moment he stared at her, then sank back into his seat while she handed the bag to Robin. "Why are you good?" she repeated.

The mask of arrogance failed, and Spike, for a moment, became a confused, unsure William. "I ... I have a soul ..."

But Kara shook her head. "Lots of people with souls do bad things. Hitler had a soul. Stalin. Bin Laden. Why has getting one turned you so good that you were willing to risk your life to help? If you hate Angel so much, why aren't you trying to be as different from him as possible?"

Spike's gaze went from Kara to Robin, who had been asking himself the exact same question since he first realized who Spike was. Robin had trained himself over the years to detect lies, both in words and in actions. Now he saw real, raw pain and fear in Spike's eyes, before the vampire turned away.

"I've been ... to hell. More than once. Angel's a ponce, and I'll never admit saying this, but he's right somebody who's done what we have needs to redeem himself. I don't want to go ..." He cleared his throat. "I don't want to go back."

"That's good enough," Kara said softly, before turning back to Robin with a questioning glance. "I think Andrew had the right idea. Does Buffy really need to know about this?"

Robin swallowed, and also turned away. He didn't want to say what he should, didn't want to admit it, so after a moment he just asked, "Where would you like us to drop you off?"

The expression on Spike's face may have been gratitude, but he wiped it away quickly and gestured toward the box. "Don't you think we should open the soldier boy's gift, before you go on? It's about the right size for an atomic bomb."

Accepting the change in subject, Robin turned to the crate. "Fine. A hand, if you will?"

Andrew finally appeared from the front, while the other three, together, grasped the lid and pulled. With a screech of broken wood and protesting nails, it came open.

They had to scoop out packing peanuts, then Robin involuntarily drew back when he contacted what appeared to be human skin. Spike stopped at the same time, then reached back in and came up with a hand. He turned to Kara with a grin. "Hor'devours?"

Grimacing, Kara cleared the packing material away from a human torso. "It's a woman."

"No, look." Reaching in for an arm, Spike showed the end where the skin was torn, revealing metal along with a complicated collection of gears, plastic and electronics. "They gave you a broken robot?"

"I don't know why," Robin murmured. He dug around some more, and when he touched hair pulled a blond maned head out for them to see. The face was turned away from him, so at first he didn't understand the shock on their faces.

"Goodness," Kara said, her eyes threatening to pop out.

"Oh, my," Andrew gasped, his face glowing.

Spike vaulted to his feet, banging his head on the ceiling.

Mystified, Robin turned the face toward him, and was so startled he almost dropped the head. But before he could speak Spike cried out in a rough, tortured voice:

"It's the **_bloody Buffybot!"_**


	7. Egg On His Face

The garage door closed behind the ambulance, shielding it from the rest of the basement parking garage. Not for the first time, Robin wondered how the Watcher's Council had come up with the money: not only to have a secret backup headquarters, but to give it enough extras to rival the Batcave. A private parking garage beneath a downtown Chicago high-rise, not to mention a private elevator from the garage to the fourteenth floor ... and Giles hadn't blinked when he got the chance to purchase the fifteenth floor, to house all those new slayers.

He climbed out of the ambulance's passenger seat and stretched, while a yawning Andrew shut off the truck's engine. "I'll wake up Kara," Robin told him, and walked back to open the side door to the patient compartment.

But Kara wasn't sleeping. Instead she was kneeling by the cot, where she had spent the trip back reassembling the Buffybot or at least, placing the parts where they would be if the robot hadn't been torn apart by a gang of demons, years before. She's laid the shredded clothes to one side, so Robin found himself staring at what appeared to be a naked Buffy Summers, the jagged ends of her limbs placed against the battered torso.

"Um ... Kara ..."

Kara turned, her face tense and expression deadly serious. "It was ... just something to do at first, to pass the time. I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah, well you're a little old to be playing with dolls, but I don't see the harm. You do know the thing's broken beyond repair, right?"

"That's what I'd always heard." She gestured toward the Buffybot's head. Its eyes were open. And looking at Robin. For a second he thought it was chance that the head just happened to be pointed his way but then its gaze swung to Kara, before turning back to him again.

"Holy " Robin stumbled back, colliding with an approaching Andrew. Seeing the younger man reminded him of the stories he'd heard about the robot's creation, so he grabbed Andrew's arm and hauled him to the door. "Explain this."

Andrew's eyes bugged out. "It's alive! It's _alive_!"

The Buffybot opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She looked puzzled.

"How, Andrew? Your buddy Warren created it how could it still be functioning?"

"Well, it had a self-repair function, but that wouldn't be enough to fix this much damage." Without thinking Andrew reached out toward the machine's all too human and naked torso, but Kara slapped his hand away. "Ouch! Um, Willow gave it an upgrade."

"Willow?" She couldn't have ... did she even know enough back then? She had brought the real Buffy back to life around then, a major bit of mojo. "Could she have given it a magical upgrade?"

"A magic " Andrew tore his gaze away from the torso. "I I don't know."

"The parts are connected again," Kara said quietly. "You can still see the damage, but I couldn't pull the arm away from the shoulder."

Every time he thought his life couldn't get any weirder ... Robin rubbed his hairless scalp, considering. Willow wasn't here to investigate this turn of events, and the original creator was dead. He couldn't imagine what harm would come if the robot suddenly leaped up and started happily slaying vampires again, except to annoy the real Buffy, and she was in Italy. "We need to get those eggs upstairs. Let's just leave it down here for now, and we can have somebody check on it later."

Kara shook her head. "But she looks scared. I think I should stay here with her you don't need me for the spell, anyway."

Again Robin hesitated. Kara was right that she wouldn't be needed in fact, he'd been planning to send her to bed but that wasn't his worry. "Kara, it's a mechanism. Like a toaster, or a microwave open."

"But much sexier," Andrew put in.

Grabbing up the bag of eggs, Robin shoved them into Andrew's hands. "Take these up to Giles. Don't drop them, because if they hatch they'll crawl inside you in a way you don't even want to imagine."

Gingerly holding the bag, Andrew rushed toward the elevator.

When he turned back, Robin discovered the Buffybot was holding Kara's hand. It was trying to talk, and looked terrified. "It's okay," Kara soothed. "You'll be better soon." The young slayer turned back to Robin and lowered her voice. "She doesn't know she's just a mechanism. Go ahead, I'll stay with her."

With a sigh, Robin turned and made his way toward the elevator. So, what had he accomplished this week? He'd finished his mission only with the help of the vampire who'd killed his mother; he'd discovered the military knew all about their so-called top secret headquarters; he'd damaged a teenage girl's self confidence; he'd left a company car stripped in a Cleveland parking lot; and now he'd brought back a forgotten relic of Sunnydale that was Frankensteining itself back together in the back of an ambulance.

He pushed the button for the fourteenth floor and leaned against the elevator wall. This one was _not_ going on his resume.

The doors slid open onto a small lobby area, which held a reception desk that Robin had never seen used. Until now: Faith was draped across it on her side, her robe half undone to reveal cleavage and a pale, smooth, very bare length of leg. "Well, hello, sailor. Ready to get back into port?"

Robin froze, then had to grab the elevator doors to keep them from closing in front of them.

"Look." She patted the wood desk's surface. "Isn't it just the right size?"

"You jeopardized the mission." Huh? What was he saying? But his exhaustion, and the events of the last two days, were catching up to him, and he felt his temper rise.

"What?" Faith gave him a confused look.

"You got those girls drunk, when you knew I might need them soon."

Faith's expression hardened. She sat up, then reached to close the robe. "Kennedy and Willow were supposed to be backing you up. Don't blame me if they snuck off somewhere for a little mutual muff diving."

Robin stalked into the lobby, letting the doors slide shut behind him. "You're missing the point. You know how important this mission was, how it might save a life. You took all the experienced slayers off partying while I was out there getting my ass handed to me."

"What's the matter with you?" Hopping off the desk, Faith poked a finger at her lover's chest. "What are you getting on me for? It all worked out, didn't it?"

"It " He shook his head, picturing Spike's mocking smile. "It almost didn't."

"Yeah? Well, that's part of the business, isn't it? But it did work out, and you're back, but I'm not feeling quite as hot and ready as I was a minute ago. Your loss. Chew on that, and you might also want to consider that I had a reason for what I did and I would have told you, if you'd just asked." She turned and swept out, heading down a hallway toward the small room they shared. Just before she disappeared, she turned to hurl back, "By the way, you stink."

Well. That had gone well. Robin headed toward Giles' office to make his report, mentally kicking himself every step of the way.


	8. Eggcitement

It was an amazing thing, to see Rupert Giles mad.

Oh, Robin had seen Giles annoyed and upset before, plenty of times. But now he was positively livid, standing behind his desk with the phone receiver in a death grip, swinging his glasses around with the other hand. "Resting her injured leg? Blast it, Willow, Kennedy is a slayer she could have grown a new leg by now. Might I remind you that you're in the employ of the Slayer's Council, and in point of fact you've been charging the best hotel suites on the east coast to my credit card?'"

Although Giles didn't seem to notice Robin come in, Richard looked up from his seat in one corner of the room, where he'd been examining a thick, leather-bound spell book. He, also, held his glasses in one hand, but he had one leg crossed over his knee, looked relaxed in a black fleece running outfit, and seemed completely unfazed by Giles' temper tantrum. "You sure you want to come in here?" the new watcher asked in a low voice, arching an eyebrow at Robin.

"Demonic activity?" Giles said in an incredulous tone. "In Connecticut?"

Letting the door close behind him, Robin took a seat beside Richard. "Nice mustache."

"No, Willow, I do not accept that! We needed you here to do this spell, but it's too late for you to get back, now."

Richard brushed his upper lip, where a dark mustache was just starting to get past the sparse, newly grown stage. "Some of the slayers claim they can't tell Giles and me apart. I think they're joking, but why take chances?"

"Then I'm sending a team. Yes, you heard me. If the demonic activity is that bad in rural Connecticut, you'll need some assistance."

"I've always wondered," Richard mused, "why there are no vampires in New Jersey?"

"I have to go to Hartford on business anyway, so I'll meet with you and Kennedy right afterward."

Robin shrugged. "There are, but nobody notices. Most of them commute to New York every night."

"And when I get to Star's Hollow, I had bloody well better see some demons!" Giles slammed the phone down and stood staring off into space, his eyes unfocused.

"Have you ever noticed," Richard suddenly said, his voice still calm, "that all our first names begin with an R? Maybe we should make that some kind of Watcher's Council requirement."

With a start, Giles turned to look at him. "Oh. Hello."

"Xander would be upset," Robin murmured. "Although we never really organized a Watcher's Council, officially."

Giles stared at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"We were talking," Richard told him, "about who would be in charge when you go on that much needed vacation. I knew our conversation wouldn't bother you, because you didn't see either of us come in."

"Oh. Yes." Giles rubbed his face, looking for a moment exhausted, then roused himself. "Point taken. I've counted to ten shall we go on to the next crisis?"

He led the way through the library and into the hallway of the Chicago headquarters, and as they walked glanced back at the two other men. "The paperwork is almost finished on our purchase of the floor above, so our overcrowding should be lessened considerably soon. It's been a bit stressful around here, with so many of us suddenly falling ill, but everyone seems to be recovering nicely."

Robin glanced at Richard, and could tell by the look on the other man's face that he knew the real story of what had happened with the older slayers. No matter what Faith said, the harm lay in who might have been hurt including Richard's daughter, who was still kicking herself for _not_ kicking Spike when she'd had the chance. Sometimes it was very hard to love Faith, and he still wasn't sure she didn't want it that way.

Giles brought him out of his reverie when the senior watcher stopped at the door to the gym, and turned back to them. He took a cautious sniff, wrinkled his nose, glanced at Robin, then looked away. "Did anything else of interest happen in Cleveland? I haven't had time to talk to you yet, and Andrew seemed a bit more ... high strung, than usual."

"We ran into an old friend of yours: Riley Finn. It seems the government knows we're here, and what we're doing. It caused ... problems, but we got away clean."

Looking grave, Giles drew a deep breath. No, Robin decided, Giles didn't need to know the rest. He had enough on his mind. "I'm glad you and Kara accomplished your mission. We'll just have to hope the government doesn't cause more problems for us." He turned and pushed through the gym door.

Richard slapped Robin on the back as he passed. "And I'm glad you got Kara through it okay. I talked to her on the intercom; she's being a bit hard on herself, but sometimes any mission you can return from is a successful mission." He lowered his voice and added, "She's still sitting with her new ... friend." At that moment Robin realized why Richard was so relaxed: because his daughter was back, and safe. Until an hour ago, he must have been just as hard to live with as Giles had been.

Almost everyone was gathered in the gym, making the open room look crowded even though most of the audience was huddled against the walls. In the middle, strapped to a bed, was a wild eyed teenage girl.

Strapped to her bed a _lot_ a half dozen leather straps across her torso, that many again over her limbs, and even one to keep her head secure. Her dark hair lay in wild tangles, and she was sweating, making the white sheet transparent enough to show her nakedness underneath. "Why isn't she wearing clothes?" Robin whispered to Richard.

"She ate them." When he noticed Robin's look, Richard added, "She kept trying to make her regular clothes into a noose, so we had her in paper clothing."

A line of some kind of red dust formed a circle that surrounded the cot, and just outside it stood Andrew, Xander, and Dawn. "It's almost ready," Xander reported when he saw the other watchers enter the room, but then he walked over to them and lowered his voice. "Dawn and Andrew think they can do this. Andrew has some kind of magical tool that used to belong to Jonathan."

Giles squinted toward Dawn and Andrew, who huddled together, going over a dusty volume taken from his library. "Are you sure they can handle it? Andrew and Dawn both have a tinge of innate magical ability, but not nearly the talent or power that Willow has."

Xander shrugged. "There's a shelf life on this eggy-magic stuff, so if we don't do it now it won't get done."

"Yes, I know." But Giles didn't look soothed. "But we're trying to cure a non-magical condition with magic, and that can be problematical, at best."

"It's worth a try. Besides, they've proven themselves. They're a lot more mature than they used to be."

At that moment Andrew looked up and asked, "Who's holding my magic bone?"

Dawn burst out laughing, and several people in the crowd joined her.

"Wonderful," Giles muttered, sending a hard stare around the room. "A powerful and potentially deadly spell, being handed over to Laurel and Hardy. I left Jason monitoring the situation from the control room, and he might turn out to be the sole survivor."

Jason was Kara's teenage friend, dragged into battle during the Rising of the Slayers last summer, who had never returned to what Richard hinted was an abusive home. Robin thought of Kara, still in the basement: there was one or two absent. But he hadn't mentioned the Buffybot to Giles, who seemed a bit too stressed to deal with it right now. Faith, who still hadn't come out of their room, and Chantel, a registered nurse before becoming a slayer, seemed to be the only other people missing.

Xander stepped away from Giles and leaned close to Robin, whispering in his ear. "I know she won't let me thank her, so I'll tell you I really appreciate what Faith did for me."

Robin shot him a questioning glance, making Xander's visible eyebrow rise. "I thought you'd have heard by now. I mean, her being your girlfriend and all."

"We haven't had a chance to talk much."

"Oh. Well, I was ..." Xander swallowed, and looked around to make sure they weren't being overheard. "I was starting to drink. Everything that's happened my eye, and Anya, and " He cleared his throat. "I was becoming like my dad, and my uncle, and well, like just about everyone in my family. That stunt she pulled with the older slayers ... she knew that would shake me out of it. I think that's the biggest reason she did it, to give me a knock on the head. I just thought someone should know I appreciate it."

Robin nodded, his mind numb, as Xander walked back to the center of the room.

By now Andrew had retrieved from one of the slayers what appeared to be a femur bone from an animal, Robin hoped. Chantel came in from the medical room, carefully holding a syringe full of a swirling, multicolored liquid that seemed to be glowing. "This is as close as I can get it," she told Dawn.

"It'll work." Looking confident, Dawn stepped into the ring of dust and stood at the foot of the cot. Looking less confident, Andrew came in to stand at the head, Xander took one side, and Chantel the other. The insane slayer, Dana, looked from one to the other with wild, animalistic eyes.

Dawn began chanting. Her voice was so soft Robin couldn't make out what she was saying. A few times the other three repeated her words, while Dana strained against her bonds and made a high pitched keening noise. Everyone else was silent, entranced at what seemed very much like a human sacrifice.

Then Chantel stepped forward and, without ceremony, plunged a needle into Dana's arm. Dana screamed, but Chantel held her place until the syringe was empty, then stepped back again. It was Andrew's turn to begin chanting, in a language Robin didn't recognize, while waving the bone in intricate motions.

Robin smelled something, and this time it wasn't himself. It was similar to the ozone scent of a lightning storm, and at first he hardly noticed it then it strengthened rapidly, until his nose started to burn. At the same time, everything within the circle began to glow with a bright orange color, like the rising Sun.

Forcing his eyes away, Robin noticed the door to the hallway, behind Giles, was standing open. Feeling an overwhelming urge to secure it, he moved back while Dana screamed and arched against her restraints, every muscle standing out from the effort. The leather restraints held.

But the bed didn't.

Afterward, Robin realized it wasn't just a matter of Dana tearing the hospital bed apart it exploded with the force of both her super powered muscles and the spell's energy. Pieces of hard rubber, metal, plastic and foam shot out like shrapnel, accompanied by a shock wave and what sounded like a sonic boom. Robin was partially sheltered from the blast by Giles, who crashed into him, and for a moment he lay stunned against the wall. The light grew until it became blinding, then suddenly faded.

No one remained standing. Dawn, Andrew, Xander and Chantel had been slammed across the room into their audience, which had also been pelted with the remains of the bed. Only Robin and a few of the slayers stirred, and he saw that many of them were clutching at debris impaled in their bodies. Giles and Richard lay unconscious, and only being partially shielded had saved Robin from the same fate.

Wait one person was standing, Robin realized. Dana stood in the middle of the room, completely nude except for torn pieces of restraints that she was ripping from her limbs. When the last one was gone, she looked around.

Her eyes glowed orange. She threw back her head and laughed, and when she did Robin saw orange light spewing from her mouth.


	9. Eggscape

_**Almost to the end ... just this chapter and an epilogue. I usually don't add comments to my chapters, but I wanted to thank all my reviewers, and the people who didn't review but who I hope are reading. I was prompted to add this to answer a couple of comments:**_

_**Funvince: Your concerns result from me writing myself into a corner. All but one of my stories are in chronological order, set post-Chosen but during the final season of "Angel". So you see, the question isn't why Buffy's in Italy; it's why Dawn and Andrew aren't! I'm not a stickler, but according to my timeline those two are on the wrong continent, which will be repaired in the future.**_

_**Faith, Willow and Kennedy did, indeed, act irresponsibly, and I don't really address it in this story. Faith is just well, being Faith, although she does mean well. I left Willow and Kennedy in Connecticut as a setup for a Buffy/Gilmore Girls crossover, but for this story's purposes they're so busy having hot sex that they just lost track of time.**_

_**Molossus: I suspect Faith's going to let Robin make it up. See above comment about hot sex.**_

**_SpikeAngel-Lover: Buffybot was there because the idea of ending a story with Spike's reaction to seeing her made me laugh out loud. That was the original ending, but I couldn't leave it there because I kept asking the same question for the purposes of the story, why is she there? So I found a way to use her._**

_**Summersfan and Garnet Quill: I hope you're not disappointed that Spike and Riley disappeared where the story originally ended; Spike is busy in L.A., of course. I'll use them again, I promise.**_

Attracted by the explosion, Faith bounded into the gym, and took in the carnage with one quick glance. She turned to Robin, the only person besides Dana still standing, and flicked her head toward the exit. "Get out."

Robin didn't hesitate. Dana's psychosis came from her being victimized victimized by men, which probably explained why she'd sliced Spike's hands off. It looked like fighting her wasn't an option, and the last thing her feverish psyche would react well to would be another male. He darted for the door, pausing only long enough to tell Faith, "You have to get through to her."

"I plan to." As Robin pulled the door shut, he saw Faith step toward Dana, both hands raised in a gesture of peace. "Dana, listen. I know you're hurt. I've been hurt, too. I just want to help you ..."

The door shut, and Robin headed toward the library, where Giles had some non-lethal weapons stashed. "Jason, are you monitoring?"

The teen's voice, an octave higher than normal, came over the hallway's intercom. "Yeah."

"Seal off the library, we can't let that girl get out into the public. And contact Kara, I need "

The heavy wooden gym door exploded into splinters. In the middle of the debris, a single, dark haired female slammed into the opposite wall, collapsed to the floor, and lay still. Then Dana stepped through the doorway.

The library was too far. Robin broke into a run toward the nearest door, which led to the reception area. "Jason! Elevator door now!"

Grinning, Dana walked down the hall until she was next to the computer room where Jason was stationed, then put her fist through the wall.

"Jason, get out!" The elevator door was open. Diving in, Robin punched the button for the basement and wondered what kind of weapons he would find in the ambulance, and whether he'd get to them in time. Nothing non-lethal, he suspected, but that chance had passed.

"Jason, did you get Kara? Jason?" No answer. He made a few futile jabs at the intercom button, then glanced at the floor indicator. _Twelve ... eleven .._.

The shriek of rending metal came from somewhere above. _Ten ... nine ..._

The elevator shook as something someone landed on top of it. _Eight ... seven .._.

Robin ignored the sweat running down his face and listened to shuffling noises above. The elevator swayed a bit, but kept going. Then, with a deafening bang, a dent appeared in the ceiling. _Six ... five _...

Above him, Dana pounded the ceiling until a seam split, revealing the glow that bathed the elevator in orange. Robin saw her fingers work into the seam, to gain purchase. _Four ... Three _...

The ceiling groaned in protest, then began to give. Dana's grinning face appeared, bathed in the glow of insanity. "A little man ..." She peeled the ceiling back more, then reached an arm in to grab at Robin.

The door opened.

He dove and rolled out, came to his feet, and dashed toward the ambulance. "Kara! Weapons!" But when he jumped through the open back door he found no one inside, and had to throw aside the remains of the box himself, to get under the bench seat. Crossbow not loaded, not enough time. Broadsword he grabbed it up and turned around.

Dana stood at the back of the ambulance. "Little men." Her rough, low voice echoed, and not from the basement acoustics. "I'll kill you all. I'll crush the breath from your lungs."

"Then he'll need this." An oxygen tank smashed into the side of Dana's head, followed immediately by a tire iron. Kara must have been hiding on the other side of the ambulance. Taking advantage of Dana's distraction, Robin shoved the sword into her torso with all his strength.

The blade glowed orange, expanded, and dissipated into the air like dry ice. Frowning, Dana gestured and the tire iron flew back across the room. Robin heard Kara scream, just before Dana grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room.

A moment later he found himself sprawled against a dented garage door, legs and back screaming, still the only person between Dana and the rest of the world. She walked toward him, smiling, but his body wouldn't obey his commands to get up. "I don't need a knife this time, little man. I'll tear your arms off."

Then she stopped short, at the sound of a female voice saying "Hello."

The glow dimmed just a little, while Dana turned and cocked her head, looking puzzled. Another female approached, this one a blonde, but just as nude as Dana. She walked hesitantly, dragging one leg, and an arm stuck out at an unnatural angle. Her head was also cocked to one side, but seemed incapable of straightening, while her skin was torn and scarred in dozens of places.

"Hello," she repeated. "I'm Buffy S-S-Summers. I'm a slayer. I take ass and kick names. Are you a s-slayer?"

For a long moment Dana stared. When she spoke, her voice was very close to normal. "You're not real."

"Are any of us real? I haven't taken philosophy. I dropped out of the world to save college. Are you a slayer?"

Dana blinked, then nodded. She took a step back when Buffy came within arms length, tried to stop, and stumbled, almost hitting the other girl.

"I need maintenance," Buffy explained. "Do you need maintenance?"

Dana frowned, then nodded.

"Are you a slayer?" Buffy gave a crooked smile.

Again, Dana nodded.

"You're naked. So am I. That's considered socially unacceptable in most countries, but it gives us something in common! Willow says slayers statistically have a ninety-three percent greater chance of being lesbian or bisexual than other females. She did a study. Are you lesbian or bisexual?"

Dana shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I don't like men."

"Willow says she likes men, but she loves women. You're a slayer? Will you be my friend?"

"I ... I _am_ a slayer. You're a slayer."

"Yes, I use weapons. I'm a hot fighting momma."

Robin would have laughed, if he wasn't hurting so much. Past the undercarriage of a van he saw Kara stirring, and gestured for her to keep still. The glow continued to slowly fade.

"I'm a slayer," Dana repeated slowly. "I'll be your friend."

"You look upset. Have you had a bad day?"

"Yeah." Taking a deep breath, Dana gazed around, her eyes reflecting hurt and confusion. "I've been ... so lost ..."

"I've found you. You're not lost anymore." Stepping forward, the Buffybot enveloped Dana in a gentle hug.

Robin held his breath, thinking the well meaning robot had gone too far. But, after standing stiffly for a moment, Dana put her arms around Buffybot and returned the hug, then began crying softly. The orange glow brightened for a moment, making Robin close his eyes, then faded away completely.

When he could look again, Robin saw the two girls crouched together on the floor, holding each other tightly while Dana sobbed. Buffybot's head and limbs were straight, and she looked completely healed at least, on the outside.

So did Dana.


	10. Epilegg

"I'm sorry," Dana said again. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to keep saying that," Faith told her. "You weren't yourself. We understand."

Robin thought it remarkable that everyone really did understand, considering a third of them were still in the hospital two days later, and most of the rest confined to their beds. Jason had been found lying on the computer room floor with a concussion in fact, the men had taken the worst of the punishment, and Giles was the only one still able to go under his own power. As for himself, Robin couldn't wait to get out of this wheelchair.

Faith and the now dressed Buffybot sat on either side of Dana's bed in the medical room, which for the first day had been jammed full of folding cots. After coming up with believable stories, Giles had shipped the most seriously injured to a local hospital, and now only Dana remained along with Kara, who was recovering from a broken collar bone and the effects of an impaled tire iron. They'd carefully avoided bringing any males into the room at first, but Dana did, indeed, seem to be recovering from the mental illness that had plagued her since before she became a slayer.

"I'm glad you're all right," Buffybot said, also repeating herself, as she reached out to take Dana's hand.

"And I'm glad you're all right but I'm still not sure what happened."

"What do you remember?" Robin asked.

"Some of it." Dana shuddered, causing Buffybot to pull the covers up around her shoulders. "It was like ... I just had no control over myself at all, until Bottie got close to me. I remember escaping the hospital, and what I did to the vampire ..."

Robin winced, but nobody followed up on the comment, so Spike's secret remained safe. Come to think of it, the Buffybot didn't even know Spike had died in the Hellmouth

"I remember the way all of you tried to talk to me after I got here," Dana continued. "Faith came the most, and she kept telling me she'd been lost too, and that I could find my way back like she did ..."

Her face reddening, Faith looked away. "Um, I think we should let you rest some more." She rose, but Buffybot shook her head.

"I'm staying with my friends." She smiled at Dana, who looked grateful.

"Sure." Standing, Faith started to wheel Robin's wheelchair out, but Kara caught his attention.

"How'd our first mission go?"

Robin grinned at her. "It ended well."

Giles stood waiting for them in the hallway they'd decided not to have more than one man at a time in Dana's presence, for now. His arm was in a sling, and a bandage swathed his forehead. "Well, Dawn and Andrew are off to Italy. Their symptoms lessened as soon as we left the building, so I believe I was correct they've developed a sensitivity to magical energies."

"Allergies," Faith clarified.

"A temporary effect, I hope. But in the meantime they'll have a nice vacation with Buffy, and recuperate from their injuries."

Recuperate. There was going to be a lot of that going on around here, and not just physically. Robin looked up at Giles. "Dana's not completely healed."

"Her original brain disorder is, but she'll need time and professional help to recover emotionally." Giles paused to clean his glasses. "Remarkable. The robot somehow drained the excess magical energies from Dana, and used them to repair itself."

"So Willow did do a magic whammy on the Buffybot," Faith said.

"Yes, it would appear so. Willow was dabbling in magic quite a bit at the time."

He seemed unsettled at the thought, and Robin figured it had to do with the fact that the real Buffy was dead during that period, permanently so or so everyone had thought. He'd heard the stories so many times that he sometimes felt nostalgic himself. "So Buffybot can use magical energies to do self repairs, I get that. But did she heal Dana's mental illness?"

Giles shook his head. "I don't think so. I believe the spell worked, which Andrew and Dawn were very happy to hear. But we hadn't considered that any cure for mental illness even a magical one takes time, and can produce side effects no one had anticipated."

"Next time," Faith suggested, rubbing her sore back, "let's try for 'may cause drowsiness'."

"Quite. I believe eventually the magical energy would have healed Dana's mind, but if not for Robin, Kara and the Buffybot, she would have caused great damage by then. And the knowledge of that may have damaged her psychologically all over again."

"Hey, I helped," Faith protested. "I bought time by letting her throw me through a door."

"Yes ..." Wincing, Giles turned to head down the hallway. "And with that in mind, I'm off to take another dose of ibuprofen."

Faith started wheeling Robin in the other direction. "Rona and Vi are in the gym, trying out fighting moves on crutches. Let's go make fun of them."

"First, it's my turn to apologize."

"What, for not being able to give me any? Don't worry, I'll lay you on the bed tonight and ride you gently, like a bronco instead of a bull."

"For thinking you were ... the old you."

There was silence in the hallway, except for the squeaking of the wheelchair.

"You know, if you'd just admit every once in awhile that you're a good person "

"Shut up!" But Faith didn't sound angry. "I have a reputation. I _like_ my reputation. I don't wanna screw that up."

"Yeah? Well, I love you. I don't want to screw _that_ up."

"Whatever." With one hand, she reached out to massage his neck. "All this talk about screwing is turning me on. Let's discuss that stuff later."

"How much later?"

"I'm thinking maybe at Kara's fiftieth birthday party." She pushed him into the gym, where a half dozen slayers most violating medical orders were laughing as they moved around on crutches.

"I'll hold you to that." Robin reached over his shoulder to take her hand, as she began calling encouragement to the girls.

All in all, he decided, it had turned out to be a successful mission.

END


End file.
